When you have a child it greatly affects the way your relationship with your partner functions. I am sure this is no surprise to anyone, but ‘how much' it did, was a surprise to me. I thought I would write about my experiences.

My husband and I had been married for 5 years before deciding to have children. Our life had a cool rhythm of work and a very busy and enjoyable social life. Our weekends were full with parties, visiting friends and the odd game of Texas hold'em poker . We spent lazy weekend mornings sleeping in until 9am, often going out for brunch ect.

When I fell pregnant we were both looking forward to the next chapter in our lives and we knew that there would be some changes. I was away for work somewhere in central QLD and listening to the ABC radio on the long drive. It was an interview with Alison Osborne, the Author of the book ‘The post Baby Conversation'. She was talking about her book and her experiences as a mother. She was also explaining some of the feelings that come with being a mother. I was shocked at how much her life had changed after becoming a mum. I suddenly realised our relationship was not prepared for the baby I was carrying.

When I got back to civilisation I bought Alison's book. I read it from cover to cover. I tried to get my husband to read it, but to be honest it wasn't really his thing. He did, under sufferance listen as I read excerpts to him. We also had most of the discussions she recommend e.g. like discussing the changes in roles like house work for instance. I think the book also helped my husband understand how and what I might feel as a new mum. Like how relentless the demands as a mother can be. Alison also talked about the changes in feelings he might have, now being the sole financial provider for the family. She also helped me understand how much stress this new role can add to a man's life. As mum of a new baby often the last person you are thinking about is your partner. My husband's life would also change dramatically, he would be sleep deprived, wouldn't have my attention mentally or physically and he would now have the sole responsibility for our financial stability.

When our first baby arrived we tried to dedicate some time to keeping our relationship healthy. For us we try and have dinner alone after the kids are in bed, three times a week. The other nights we eat as a family. We have also had the odd night away from the kids. We have wonderful parents who love seeing their grandchildren. These nights have allowed us to be romantic and keep the spark in the relationship. It's not so easy to feel the spark, when you have baby vomit on your t-shirt and you are exhausted after a full day with a baby. All I want to do is go to bed.

We would have survived the changes in our relationship if we had never read Alison's book, but the book helped us be prepared and in a sense ‘negotiate' the things we each needed in our relationship. We both pick up doing jobs we didn't like. For me that was grocery shopping, as I was home during the day. My husband had a new job of keeping the shower clean. We have enjoyed the journey, even though we have had our moments. I know our relationship is now stronger than before we had children and I am still madly in love with my husband.