When I reread my last blog I realised I missed addressing one big issue ‘Sex'. I think one of the big changes we all face after having children is the changes in our sex life.

These changes happen for lots of reason, but from talking to friends it seems that the main reasons are we feel drained from having given to our children all day, the last thing we feel like is giving some more away to our partner. We are tired physically and emotionally. There can also be physical changes to our bodies and often we don't have the time.

As a breast feeding mum I experienced the feeling of always giving. In my time without my baby I just wanted to be left alone. Some of this is because there are hormonal changes when you are breastfeeding that make you feel less like having sex. I guess this is nature's way of helping your body, by not allowing you to fall pregnant until you have finished nourishing your baby. We are also tired. I know men out there may have heard that and called it an excuse, but it is true, often we can't muster the physical or emotional energy for sex. I do think that sometimes this can be overcome by thinking about sex in a different way. Remember we get things from having sex too. We get to feel sexy (sometimes hard, but try and remember our partners think we are) and that we are not just a baby carer. We also get the physical satisfaction, hormonal changes makes us feel great. We also get and receive the emotional feelings of love and being needed (I know the second is often met by your child).

I had my first child by c-section, so there were no physical changes to my body on a sexual level, but after having my second child naturally, I was very self conscious about how my husband would feel about my body. Also I was scared that having sex might now be painful. The first time we had sex after my second child in some ways felt like it was my very first time. That's so strange when you have been with someone for fourteen years. I got over both my fears with my husband's reassurance. Even if your partner isn't one to verbally reassure you, try to remember that your partner is the father of your child, and the bond you now share by having a child or children together should not be ignored or underestimated. I am sure his physical response to seeing you will also reassure you of how he feels. Try to listen to the physical signs he is giving out.

I have found that time is also now an issue. It seems we don't have time for sex. When my kids are in bed and the house is tidy, I often don't even want to watch TV or read. I just want to sleep. My husband and I used to be very spontaneous before having children, but now we often schedule sex into your lives. It does take a little of the fun out of it, but it helps us fit sex in. In the afternoon if we decide we are having sex tonight, we can look forward to it and organise your lives around that. Once the kids are in bed, I might leave putting the dishwasher on until the morning, or not put that load of washing on. I go and have a shower, put on something that makes me feel good. We have also made an effort to organise a couple of weekends away without the kids and that has allowed us to be a little spontaneous.

If your husband is pressuring you or always asking for sex, this can be a real turn off. Try and explain (when you're not annoyed) how you are feeling. Remember he may be feeling like you don't love him anymore. Also that he gets none of your time and this might be true. You may need to consider that you aren't meeting his needs. I think communication is the key. Tell him what you would like and how this would make you feel. For example it might be, explain that if he helped you out with the chores (be specific as to what you would like him to do) tonight then you would have time and feel like having sex. Or it might be you would like flowers once in a while, so you feel appreciated. I don't know, but in my experience if you don't ask you won't receive and this is not because men don't what to satisfy you, it's just that they want different things to us and think very differently to us.

Sex is an important human need, but often after having children we don't feel like it. My husband and I often lay in bed after having sex and one of us will say ‘why don't we do this more often'. Sometimes I just don't know. So I can recommend, treat yourself to some of you partners love. I am sure you, your partner and your relationship will be well rewarded.